Sourdough

My attempts at creating life are not going well. It is not easy to make flour in a jar produce wild yeast and flour in a jar is the most temperamental pet I have ever had.

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Me and youtube

So youtube is the first platform I have used for broadcast, this was never used that way nor was twitter, so you are going to have to be patient. It may take a while to get competent and confident with lighting, sound, presentation and some of them may be lumpy…I figure you know am not a media bod so don’t care but it just might need patience before am anywhere near watchable.

How it feels

So am going to do a post abouthow it feels to be the focus of this for eight years.

I feel trapped. When I left social work, I knew because my social work degree was not for us anywhere else it would be an uphill struggle. Poverty means that every week I deal with crisis generated by the deficit I live at and those crisis I have to keep away from my daughter. Who needs a childhood. Which she has and she has a very stable childhood and she has what she needs, but in order for that stability to be consistently maintained I have to treat absorption of crisis as normal and my landscape. I cant get out of poverty because the thing that I have ht eknowledge to do and the qualifications to do is dominated by the culture who have terrorised me for the last eight years and it turns out the knowledge the state trained me with is threatening to them., Which I dont understand because the state trains thousands of people a year to know what I know and as what I am trained to be is the site of political responsibility for these issues, I dont understand how the cultures around policy making and politics were so surprised to hear what I had to say. Because its just reality for milions of people. The Guardian, my trade unions and the Labour Party claim to be the voice of these systems so I dont understand how they perceive the knowledge they contained with them as violence which injures their identity. I dont understand why they are so hostile to the knowledge they need to exit a billion policy crisis. Except I do. Which is why I know this wont stop till I make it stop. Until I do I live in the real world they cant see and the people giving me shit because I cant walk forward without someone trying to stop me, dont care its not my fault. And the child I have to maintain constant stability for cant even be aware of this because it would be harmful so I have to keep it for me.

So I have to keep going forward and know that this is a bigger crisis than just me and I am not responsible for it and the landscape I walk in is difficult and drags you under. But I always have representatives of elite cultures, directly and personally harassing me. Is like trying to walk in a straight line with someone beating against your legs with a stick, and any time you stop walking in a straight line someone will tell you its your fault.

I know rationally that this is just the tension between a mediating class who were not used to mixing with the objects of policy and they are protecting identity, and this will pass eventually but in the meantime I have to walk through it. I am not superwoman, I dont have skin like a rhinocerous hide, I actually have no resources and my primary goal is to maintain stability around my daughter and they continually undermine my ability to do so. My daughter is 11 and for two thirds of her life the biggest risk to her has been Her Majesty’s Opposition and the violent and abusive activists they use to protect their false identity. Its because I know who those trade unions should represent, what htey should have known and now they have found a new word, TERF, to recycle the old patterns and they think it makes it fresh and new. No. Its the same old shit.

Social media allows people like Dawn Foster and her nasty friends to pretend this is a personal interaction, people are just being mean when our opposition party and major newspapers and elite brats from Oxford University work to hide consensus on policies that are killing people. They should have the right to do this. To return us to pre war citizen ship. They identify as our representatoin and didnt know in a democracy thats not how it works, and you cant abuse people because you identify as their representation. They  genuinely believed their role was for the poor to audition to them for space in democracy and are genuinely offended by the suggestion this is bollocks, So this exists constantly around them to maintain their ignorance of the systems they claim voice for  and the people harmed within them.

If they pretend its just avatars on social media without context they can pretend this is not an elite political culture terrorising a single mother because her reality, a reality they are the site of political responsibility for, threatens an identity only developed because of elite social closure. They terrorise women online when they have no power and want the power of the state to impose this on us properly. Thats why we wont vote for them.

TRAS and Corbynites both think if you just terrorise people you get your own way. No. You dont. You force those people to stand up and tell you to get to fuck. And THAT is what we will be doing. Both cultures will now learn that the rule of law, people, and democracy, are more powerful than they are. Even after thirty years of erosion of those systems, even after they were able to pass down ignorance to generations of elite brats, they will now find out who they serve. They are superfluous and have only demonstrated power dynamics which need to be addressed because they are generating crisis. Crisis big enough to throw a country over a cliff.

@Lisamuggeridge6 @kilgoresprout

You have to wonder what it is about discussing THIS and spending your life discussing the issues raised here leads psychopaths to organise against a single mother in poverty in this way. Its disturbing. @kilgoresprout is someone the Labour Party leak documents to. Which is why I wont complain through Labour procedures. THis is the digital culture around activists who want Downing Street on the basis they are the good guys, who have spent eight years terrorising a single mother and putting her kid at risk for speaking. The need to erase women is a dangerous impulse. you have to wonder how many women these men have harmed who couldnt say anything. It doesnt end. I cant stop it. And yet am going to have to. ‘I identify as’ where you have to erase, harass, abuse, threaten real people because they injure your identity? You dont have an identity you have a disorder. A very serious disorder which presents as risk to women like me., Who live with no protection. This is how the labour movemnet and Labour left and the posh activists who call them home showed how they protect the neo liberal consensus. Power dynamics that used to be hidden exposed on social media and a single mother in poerty has to be terrorised for eight years because her reality and knowledge is a threat to major political parties, news organisations and students who come from unimaginable privilege. Men like @kilgoresprout who enjoy hurting women and stalking and harassing are their tool and happy to be so.twitter3twitter2