I used to live in Hebden Bridge, I think I was living there when this blog began. Its the lesbian capital of the known universe. At four my daughter didnt know the heterosexual, two parent family was the norm and was quite used to friends having one, two, three or even four parents, in a variety of sexes and conurbations. There was a distinct lesbian community which I was not welcome to be part of, and I can tell you that turning up in a lesbian wine bar before your night out, wearing a corset and stilettos will not impress a lesbian community even if those shoes are Fendi. Separatism has always defined lesbian communities because the political history of lesbian is women being abused for not wanting cock. So they make spaces where there will not be people with cocks. Or people giving them shit. These spaces are hard to maintain. The ultimate rejection of men and male systems so men spend a lot of time trying to gain entry to, or undermining them,. Lesbians are(by and large) not rejecting cock because of a choice, its because they can’t be attracted to it because they are lesbians. Women are entitled to define their sexual boundaries and i think we are all clear that homosexuality is a thing. Not a choice, a lifestyle, or a genetic deformity.
Right now being a lesbian and stating this will get you abuse, threats and sexual coercion. We have men like Riley J Dennis using bastardised gender theory and the rights of trans women to publish videos about sexual coercion of lesbians, shaming them and claiming academic justification. This has taken hold on campuses and is being aimed at young impressionable women just starting university and is being described as feminism. Using intersectionality, queer theory and gender theory to do so.
Twitter is full of accounts abusing women for defining their sexual boundaries and preference and claiming this is a mutable boundary that can change it cannot. Lesbians are a problem for some trans women, because no matter how the internal identity of a trans women is constructed, no matter how much their appearance suggests it, they cannot feign an attraction. Those trans women who identify with women, know sexual abuse and rape is part of what women face and would not add to that. Thats why they are women. To be a trans woman and be attracted to women is to understand that straight women may want to have sex with you, but lesbian women will not. To set yourself up as a trans lesbian is to set yourself up for either a lifetime of rejection or to set yourself up as someone who is going to abuse lesbians.
Narcissists and abusive males, sexual predators do not understand why women can have boundaries. People who identify as women and with women know that sexual coercion and rape has defined thousands of years of subjugation of women, and is at the core of the inequality that all those living as women experience. Patriarchy thinks women are there to fuck and want our reproductive labour, some men are unable to process that women are allowed boundaries. These men are commonly known as dangerous.
When lesbians say to a misogynist, homophobic narcissist who doesnt know women are people, I don’t want to fuck you, they face rage. This manifests in corrective rape, assault, murder. When that person feels that lesbian is there to validate their identity as a woman they experience narcissistic rage. Rage that they are rejecting the right to fuck them. Lesbians are being told routinely that their failure to fuck, or want to fuck trans women is denying those women something. It is not. Jane Fae regularly writes about why the law needs to recognise that trans women’s need to be validated is more important than the boundaries women have fought for for years and why they should be overcome and their should be a legal basis. THis is published in mainstream publications. Its now routineto abuse lesbians and to see overcoming their sexual boundaries as a right. Type girldick, terf, lesbian into a search box on twitter you will find hundreds of people claiming that trans rights demand validation in the form of sex from women who could not possibly be attracted to them. You can watch Riley J Dennis explain how to sexually coerce impressionable young women and somehow or other feminism has become so distorted by gender studies and queer theory that intersectionality is being used to justify sexual abuse. One day sexual coercion will be a crime and we will look at the videos of men like Riley J Dennis as a case study in the manipulation of predatory sexual abusers.
Sexual abuse, predation and rape that women know to identify in men, apparently they should not acknowledge if that person says they are a female. It isn’t that sexually coercing a lesbian marks you out as a man, it does, it’s that it marks you out as a dangerous man. A sexual predator, someone who sexually abuses people and poses a risk. Someone who probably needs prison. This is not new. This is not about feminism. This is not complicated. This is not something invented to invalidate trans women’s identities, and nor do women fight for the right to undo the right to bodily autonomy, sexual preference of other women, knowing full well the way rape and sexual abuse defines the female landscape.
What is deeply concerning is that now merely stating you a re a lesbian will result in abuse. Real threats of violence, harm, rape, doxxing and a myriad of other things., It is now acceptable to be a trans man but not a lesbian. Which might have something to do wth the contagion in young women presenting as gender dysphoric. It is now preferable for young women to engage in a lifetime of hormone treatments and surgery, than live as who they are and express a sexual preference.
We have gone down the rabbit hole but nothing has changed. Being a lesbian is still female person attracted to a female bodied person, the word lesbian still means ‘doesnt like cock’. Sexual coercion is still abusive. It is still an indicator that someone is dangerous and a predator and it is still very like that someone is a male. It is for this reason self identification is a problem. And it is THIS that presents difficulty when discussing gender segregated spaces. There is no obligation on lesbians to admit people who not lesbians to their spaces, this is their choice, it is not up for debate unless you have a wish to override their consent in which case you are the reason for that space.
If you think that overcoming the objections of lesbians to cock is your right, you are not just stating you are a bloke, that you are not a woman, you are stating clearly you are a risk to women. It is good that you do this openly. The political history of lesbianism is still women getting shit for not wanting cock. The ultimate rejection of patriarchy. Lesbians are always the litmus test for who is a misogynist and who is not. And it seems lesbians are the litmus test within the debate about trans men and women. No matter how you identify, no matter how long you are a woman, if you are not a female bodied woman naturally, a lesbian is not going to want to fuck you. She will not, can not recognise you as that. The definition does not change. If you think this is violence you need to see a psychiatrist and stay away from women until the risk you pose has passed, and the least important question at stake is whether you identify as a woman. Trans men, lesbians will fuck.
If you are a trans woman and you are lucky enough to find a bisexual who is mostly lesbian but is attracted to you that is lovely, enjoy each other, be happy. But the definition of lesbian does not change. Those who believe their inner identity changes other peoples reality are narcissists and dangerous, those who wish to overcome boundaries and coerce women into sex are still dangerous.
Identifying as a woman means identifying with women and not being part of the sexual abuse that defines womanhood. When you present as a risk of sexual abuse, women will risk assess and you will cease to pass as a woman. This boundary will not change, cannot be debated and anyone battering their head against it claiming it is about trans rights is threatening trans women as well as lesbians and demonstrating they are dangerous. But they won’t succeed because it’s not possible to change the sexual orientation of lesbians by argument, coercion, or force, and attempts to do so will mark you out as dangerous.
I am, despite my repeated rejections of the label, a feminist. My entire being is about supporting women, trans women, lesbians, all women. Girls, and the children taht women are responsible for. When you try to coerce lesbians into sex you are telling me you are a risk to women, and I am under no obligation after that point to treat you as a woman. I don’t have to risk asses with women. That’s the difference between women and men.