The limits of identity

How you identify yourself is important. Massively. Our identity is at the core of who we are, it is who we are, gender and class are small words which do not fully explain the complexity of who we are. The thing we are most likely to fight for is our identity, its the most powerful force at a politicians disposal.

Most of us live in the distance between how we view ourselves and how others view us, and this is uncomfortable sometimes. I think as you get older the gap narrows and you become more at ease with it. When you are living gendered roles that may not fit who you are, as most women are, this gap is often where violence and coercion lie, and the unpaid labour that makes the world go round.

I can’t imagine gender dysphoria, I don’t have to which is a privilege I know. It’s a serious condition, and way beyond what most of us experience even if our lives are a constant struggle between others expectations and what and who we are.

It is a sad fact that your identity doesn’t matter to anyone else. You can identify yourself as you choose, but you cannot make other people see you that way. You can identify as you choose but that doesn’t impact anyone else. You may identify as a woman but it does not mean you get to define other peoples identity as a woman, and you changing your identity affects noone but you.

The belief that your identity changes other peoples reality is narcissism. Pure and simple. I would go out on a limb and say the belief that women should identify around your identity is a uniquely male trait and the one that patriarchy is built on.

Earlier today I got into an altercation with a woman I have spoken to for a long time. A trans woman. Although the trans has always been secondary to woman for me. If you are taking the shit to live like a woman you are one. That is my view now, that has always been my view.

I can’t be arsed going through how the discussion started, but the general crux of it was that your gender identity is sorted at 3, and that children should be offered gender reassignment therapy as young as possible to stop puberty. To refuse to do this is an act of cruelty, and to question this is to say trans women are mutilated. Which is nonsense.

I said that when deciding when children can consent to medical treatment on their own is a matter for the Fraser guidelines and Gillick competence, and I would not sanction hormone treatment for a child, on the basis of the twitter definition of ‘trans’. Which currently stands not at ‘has gender dysphoria’ or intersex, but at ‘I say I am this and therefore I am’.

First of all gender identity is not sorted at 3. At 3 you are likely to want to wear a tutu and welly boots all the time and if given the choice of how you identify are likely to choose batman or Peppa Pig. Even without gender dysphoria, if your gender identity is sorted by 30 you are doing great. Most of us learn about womahood continually throughout our lives as our gender creates walls around those lives.

Secondly, the treatment involved in gender reassignment is not the equivalent of wearing make up or having an aspirin.  As I understand it, and am no expert, the treatment we are talking about is hormone replacement therapy, puberty suppression, surgery to remove the penis, possibly cosmetic surgery. Now I am sorry that this is difficult to hear but that is actually very very drastic treatment. Very serious treatment. Adolescence is a period where your hormones shape your development and no, we don’t just give children that kind of treatment on a whim. Adolescence is also  period of identity formation, and children and adolescents change rapidly from day to day, month to month. At 12 I thought I was a lesbian, at 15 I wanted a boob job, and the things I thought I wanted and thought I was at that age were the delusions of a child who I no longer am.

It is lunacy to suggest that puberty suppressants should be given to a child or young person on a whim, to suit trans ideology on twitter. It is deranged.It is lunacy to suggest that a 3 year old is capable of making that decision or that, in the absence of a clear intersex diagnosis, it should be made for them.

Let’s talk about the limits of identity. If you have had gender dysphoria and decided that you are in fact not the gender you are born, your identity is important to you. Not to anyone else. Your identity does not change anyone elses identity. Gender dysphoria is quite serious. To label anyone who does not have it is the equivalent of labelling anyone who doesnt have a cold. It is ridiculous. Your gender identity does not give you teh right to decide every woman’s gender identity. While it is a distinctly male trait to believe you have that right.

Your gender identity does not change childhood or the complexity of adolescence. Nor does it mean that every child who struggles to come to terms with their gender will identify as trans. That is projection of your needs onto children. Children do not exist as a projection of your needs. And demanding that they do is really an unpleasant thing to do.

Now IF I had a child who struggled with their gender, there is no question that I would support them in lving as who they were. As a parent I would not support drastic hormone treatment in a child, until they were adult enough to demonstrate they understand it. Using Fraser Guidelines and Gillick competence as my guide, the way doctors do.

The sheer fucking nonsense of online trans activism, the utter stupidity of the debate being had, the genderqueerfluidtranswhatever, is narcissism. Pure and simple, and its abusive and distinctly male.

So lets be clear one last time. Women do not have to change their identity to suit you. You have the right to define your identity but not how people perceive you. Your identity does not change ANYONE elses reality. And abusing them and becoming paranoid about what their failure to do so means, is a sign that something is wrong. Not wrong with them. But you.

I will not entertain this nonsense. And if you find realty to be violent and triggering, avoid me. Because I won’t pretend for you.

It is violence to expect other peoples reality to change to suit your perception of yourself. It is not violent for people to refuse.

The treatment discussed for children is drastic and no amount of online tribal delusions makes that treatment less so. Because it is drastic, and because however much you wish it were not so, that treatment is about taking you from one physical state to another. The physical state it took you from, does not cease to have been real, because you have adopted another.

That is not cruelty to children, it is not violent to trans women, it is not wishing trans women did not exist. To say it is is paranoia and it is about insecurity in your own identity which is not my fault or any other womans. Women are not responsible for maintaning your fragile identity and they are not responsible for the fear of male violence that is the water you swim in as a woman. And nor are children.

3 thoughts on “The limits of identity

    • Er. No am not missing the point actually. ‘Giveing confused children the option to delay puberty’ is actually incredibly serious and a little bit more than confusion is warranted before doing something so absolutely drastic. We dont give above the mini pill to girls unless they are having unprotected sex because we view the hormone content of the proper pill as too much. You talk about ‘delaying puberty’ like taking an aspirin. That is really serious. That should be done under serious consideratoin with a serious psychiatrici assessment and only if the risk of not doing so is bigger than the harm that is implicit in doing so. I do not miss the point once in this post uncomfortable as it may be to read. The responsibilities around medical treatment and children are very clear, they are fought out in actual courts and by actual professionals and parents and young people and the juvenile activism that suggests delayng puberty is nothing, is very dangerous.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. As a Rad Fem, gender critical person myself, like you I consider there to be a wide gap between choosing to be respectful of someone by using their preferred pronouns & actually believeing penises and men are female because they say so a d “feel” that it is so.

    I too urge extreme caution in administering body & mind altering drugs and/or surgery in children with gender dysphoria. Data does not exist to argue strongly for its support in more than thr most extreme cases.

    I also do not buy the line of… “Gender Dysphoria is not a mental disorder & someday science will prove it”. I am more in line to listen to doctors and professionals who worked for decades with people with Gender Dysphoria (before we hit PeakTrans) who believe it is a mental disorder. Because the behavior of many who identify as “trans” exhibit behavior strongly indicative of a mental disorder.

    However I do sympathize with parents with young children who are sufferng from severe gender dysphoria. Dysphoria that causes an 8 year old to feel suicidal. If intense therapy does not alleviate such feelings then I can understand why a parent would feel they have no alternative but to let their child transition socially, and medically at puberty if these suicidal feelings, etc remain. Perhaps for these children with severe dysphoria the benefits outweigh the risks. ??

    would love to hear others opinions about such cases.


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